petite hands

ill

2011-06-23T05:31:00.000-07:00

I was ill a few days ago; very ill to be accurate. As a matter of fact, I always feel ‘very’ ill every time I am. It is almost impossible to not have the word very in describing my condition; that would be an incomplete and unjust description as to the suffering I have undergone. While wallowing in pain and at the brink of having my pity party, I came to realize that I had been ill for only four days. This led me to ask the next question, “How long have I been healthy?”

“Ages.” I haven’t been ill for very long. How could I not realize that?

Weeks before I was ill, I had not been behaving very well. I had been eating random food… junks… that I shouldn’t have consumed if I love my body more than my taste bud. During those times, I slept at hours that even my sisters wouldn’t be proud of. I remembered abusing my body by stressing over petty stuffs that I wouldn’t even give a dime on my death-bed. Yet, despite all these nonsense, my body was very gracious.

Any time an impending searing throat is sensed, I would swiftly reach for a fast remedy and hope that ‘madam pain’ would leave me alone. And all these times, I had what it’s called ‘sweet escape’..but not without a warning each time. But those warnings lasted a day in my head and then my catch-me-if-you-can habit resurfaced in no time. Until, my body said enough is enough.

It is fascinating indeed that one’s senses grew stronger when one is hurting. I remembered I have been walking all my life thinking about other things but my feet. Never have I paused to be grateful that I have my body parts that are in good health and are able to support my being wherever I want to go or to do whatever I want to do. Until that day when I was too weak to even stand on my feet or move without sensing the thump on my head and breathe without feeling the heaviness in my chest.
When we take our body for granted, we would more often than not find it lashing back at us one fine day. When we refuse to listen to its little silent complaints, it will refuse us its cooperation one day because we are too busy minding other businesses when our body needs our big attention as well.

1 Cor 6: 19: Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own

P/S: Im so going to swim after I get well…anyone wants to come along? Or at least, bug me by making me accountable to this…hihihi…

i wish.

2011-05-13T10:49:00.000-07:00

i wish i could be your perfect student
the kind that scores the best
and pleases you the most
when you said that is how my worth is measured by....

i wish, i wish, i wish
and i am still wishing.

Who is on who's side?

2010-11-28T05:17:00.000-08:00

'Now when Joshua was near Jericho, he looked up and saw a man standing in front of him with a drawn sword in his hand. Joshua went up to him and asked, "Are you for us or for our enemies?"

"Neither," he replied, "but as a commander of the army of the Lord I have now come."
Then Joshua fell facedown to the ground in reverence, and asked him, "What message does my Lord have for his servant?"'

Joshua 5: 13-14

It is not about whose side is God on....
But the real question is "Are you on His side?". The battle is not Joshua's but Christ's.

Rev. Kong Hee.

Choice..

2010-11-09T00:33:00.000-08:00

If you don't live out your dream, you'll be a victim of self-abuse. That's a choice.

he.

2010-10-19T05:10:00.000-07:00

He caught my eyes. He sure did. The stripes and the perfect khaki tone of his top and the bottom garment scripted his simplistic personality. He had a layer of thin coat on one side of his shoulder and the sound of the train lady had finally reached his hypothalamus.

He dazed as he opened his eyes and lifted his body altogether; pulling his wheeled upright out of the filled-up compartment. His hair was tossed as it met the wind of the city. Bright day it was.

He followed the crowd and dissolved away before my very eyes, in that short moment.

Tourists...they do catch my attention.

Theory...

2010-10-17T08:42:00.000-07:00

...too much of it, makes me sick.

Drift away.

2010-07-20T22:59:00.000-07:00

Because everyone needs a little bit of fantasy
The kind that excuses you out of reality
to dwell in the precious minutes of liberty
True freedom....
where gravity doesn't mean a thing
and you could be
whatever you want to be
or do whatever you thought you could
because in your fantasy, nothing could stop you..
because those that matter
are your desire to press on..
or to simply stop.
But that you have to choose.

....

2010-07-20T22:49:00.000-07:00

I would say it was partly of the hype but the man was definitely wearing his charisma. There was that trail of wisdom that not many people were blessed with. Anyone could tell. He was calm and confident and when words came out of his mouth, he sounded like an honorable man.

"Life is good...life is good..if it is lived according to God's plan."

so hot!

2010-06-03T01:27:00.000-07:00

I was browsing through the recently released list of Chem Eng Final Year Projects (FYP) and half chanted to myself that life will be more interesting with splashes of varieties. Exactly. Life is already like movie, a motion picture that involves no 'cut' scene and one won't live to see when the curtain rolled down after the list of credits ran up the screen. And even more, life is like a combination of the many movie genre all packed in one roll. Sometimes, it is filled with comedy like joking around with friends, adventurous genre like a shopping spree with your girls or even romantic scenes when some hot korean proposed to you *i wish*. But sometimes, yes, sometimes horror movies should be allowed in too.

So that one day, you can tell your children and your grandchildren and your great great grandchildren that hey, mommy/grandma/ great grandma had once done FYP too. FYP, my dear. It is the FYP! Yes, that Final Year Project that you are complaining the entire day. That thing that made you pleaded to change major so you don't have to face or even glanced at the list of projects you are supposed to do.
Hence, the luxury of saying, "No excuse, my younger ones."

Or even better. You could tell your cousins, the one time cousin or the second time cousins and the far far cousins that..yeah.."i completed FYP!" Then, they'll nod and conclude in justice that the reason behind your panda eyes is blamed on the long labourious hours you spent in the lab instead of watching you tube all day or korean shows all night.

Anyway, my point is. When I keep repeating this word FYP, i can't fail to notice how closed it rhymes to this word JYP. Yes, JYP. Repeat after me: JYP, the creator of Wonder Girls. Wonder girls, the reason behind my recent panda eyes. Because their song is sooo catchy, especially the one titled: So hot!
Im so so so.. hot hot!

Christianity..

2010-05-30T19:45:00.000-07:00

"Did you know when people talk of Christianity as a world religion they are quite wrong? A religion is a system and Jesus left no system."

Reinhard Bonnke

shud i ...shud i not?

2010-05-24T01:22:00.000-07:00

Gosh..I can't make up my mind. A part of me is dying to go home (back to indonesia) and a part of me says my schedule can't fit any good time. The fact is, one week is never enuf to be at home besides, the last time i checked, i probably have less than a week. Now, how??

To be frank, I've made up my mind, that I'm not going home..but but..as time passed, my heart...protested!

So, heart or mind wins?

Let's apply some pro-con thing.... urrghh.. too boring let's just reason out and see whether it makes sense...or make more sense

1. Going back home
Reasons:
- I can eat a lot of pork and meat and beef and more meat.
- I get to spend time with bradar and sista who definitely miss me so much for not seeing me like gazillion years now...plus bradar need some good lecture on 'how to be a real man growing up instead of staring in the mirror for two hours and strumming imaginary guitar acting like Jonas brothers background singer...*yeah im the meanest sista he has ever have*
- I get to see Ahu...my one and only granny who is missing me everyday now..im sure :)
- I get to ....again eat more healthier stuffs, those that i can't cook myself here
- I get to meet with my fattened cousins who had grown sideways faster than he had grown taller...but still adorabel..
- I get to...*thinking hard *..erm now let's get to the other one first.. Pause mode : ON

2. Staying in Singapore
Reasons:
- Save that few hundred dollars on air ticket which might not worth less than a week trip
- Nothing else.

Ok...hope this convince me. :)

2010-05-21T01:26:00.001-07:00

It feels like a slow mundane air that breeds searchful hearts. Even as the sky painted solid blue and white in justice of a perceptive imagination. For what the world offers isn't enough to reach that disparage chasm in between. And i look outside to find an answer as a remedy to soothe the pain.the longing. the emptiness. You..the epitome of my obsession.

Because the rest simply fall short.

Human wisdom

2010-05-16T06:02:00.000-07:00

Just the mention of the word God, could trigger tonnes of questions within me. Questions that raise my guard and pushed faith a step back... a few steps back. I would ponder on them day by day... before they slipped away, forgotten.

Yet soon, they'll creeped in again.. through my mental door of mind; silently, knocking in persistence. They are like an endless road. Like an unquenched thirst for explanations that my mind can never satisfy. I did not refuse them. Never. I did not condemn such act. No. I celebrate it, I applaud searchful mind that doesn't conform or be satisfied with mere information that church leaders opt to share.

Yet, as the song goes:
There's NO WAY i can compare You with what I know
There's NO WAY i can compare You with what I feel

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom."

Isa40:28

2010-05-13T18:52:00.000-07:00

There are times when I feel like slipping in beneath my thick blanket, to just lie under the warmth and let the world passes me by. Like a coccoon protection that covers the embodiments for a period of time..yes just for a short while; those moments of escapism from all human contacts and touch. A form of indulgence that i know is never the right choice, because i know, when i yearn for moments like this, something isn't quite right. But like a smoker that understands the nature of its 'condiments', I long for such moments despite being aware of the consequences.

It is time like this that knocks silently when there's so much negativity standing beside me. By that i mean, my personal comprehension of negativity, and most of the time it is when my period comes (now blame it on the moon, woman!). Or maybe it isn't just about what i feel but people's action truly came up beyond my expectation.

I learnt early in life that the boundary of respect should never be breached by the concept of familiarity and i felt some people hadn't learnt that, hadn't acted that way, and hadn't talked as they had understood that principle. It is troubling because I'm not a vocal person that could blatantly speak what i feel right to somebody's face. I would rather swallow them down my stomach than letting them out through my dry throat and experienced those agonizing moments of ...awkwardness. That's how Asian I am.

But, having said that, tomorrow is a new day and ...none of this feeling would have mattered anymore. And guess what, my period would have stopped too.

Probably...

2010-05-09T19:14:00.000-07:00

I love the word 'probably', because it gives me chances and chances of making sentences that have multiple claims and so, the privilege of blaming not one but many causes.

-- citra anita

Knowledge..

2010-05-04T01:38:00.000-07:00

They say knowledge is power.
I don't think so, now.
It is only a potential power; unless that knowledge is utilized, it shall remain as a dormant seed.

My confession letter

2010-05-04T00:09:00.000-07:00

Definition of aigoo aigoo aigoo = aiyoo aiyoo aiyoo (my literal interpretation)

My dearest,

Please remember me in your prayer. I've been smitten and is now sick. Sick of love...for my heart was stolen by the charming soo ji seob. Do google him and you'll soon find out he is the handsome actor in the korean movie Cain and Abel. I watched him on youtube and my eyes, i can't take them off him.

Sistas, please do remember me in ur prayer, that I will grow out of this. For my heart sickens everytime I remember my charming prince knows not of my existence. But if you will, believe, I may well one day meet him and as others bear witness, perhaps I am that rib taken from his body; his fate, his lover, his destiny. And if you will, my dearest sistas, believe, for he is not a normal Korean actor that i will overlook and give not my attention. For he, he is a fighter, that shares story so inspiring that like Rain. He is my fighter, my true love.

Oh sistas, please do remember me in your prayer, that I can forget him. For my soul is in anguish thinking about my love, who never comes. My dear lover from afar.

aigoo aigoo aigoo.....

oh is this what love feels like?

aigoo aigoo aigoo..

Help me to make my mind up sistas, for love has cast its spell on me.... and i can't think..i can barely trust my own feeling.

No my dear sista, our love cast no boundary on mere human words...and that would mean i will pick Korean up if my other flesh and blood shall not understand this english of mine...

aigoo aigoo aigoo...

But sista, forget not that he is a fighter, and he will understand this form of words for our sake....For our love sake...

ooh soo ji seob... sarang he

hahhahahah...he's soo hot la for real :)
sorry for such lovey dovey post but i can't stop giggling while typing this and perhaps, u might too.

God is good..

2010-04-25T05:34:00.001-07:00

..all the time, all the time God is good. Sometimes, you know it only when it's time.

It was a bright Saturday morning and i heard birds chirping cheerily.on my bed. I mean i was still on my bed when i heard birds chirping -_- I had set my alarm the previous night to awake me a little bit later in the morning because i literally mugged till it was past midnight. Yes, because today, is my final paper day.

But again, my alarm hadn't rang when i was conscious enough to notice the sound of birds chirping. 0_0. I woke up before it's time to!!! No surprise: my stomach ached.
So i headed to the toilet, and discovered, i had diarrhoea. Puerfecto.

So, i travelled to and flo the toilet within the next few hours. and gosh, my inflating anxiety for exam doesn't help much.

My trip to uni was quite smooth and yet, right before entering the exam hall (it was 5 minutes before my paper started..), i had the urge to 'loose' again. I couldn't take it anymore and i talked as loud as i can (in my head of cos, and whispered inaudible voice within the toilet cubicle), " Daddy God, this has to STOP!! Please..I need it to stop..please." i think i forgot to say, "Thank you."

and yes, yes, it was happy ending :) I didn't had a single diarrhoea after that 'silent' request. During my paper, my stomach was obediently good and healthy. The night felt good and i knew i had bade diarrhoea a very pleasant good bye :). Phew. I was sooooo thankfulll...yay. Daddy God is so awesome. He answered my request.

Thanks to my confidence, the following day, i ended having ice-cream as breakfast with 'Durian' flavor as one of the scoope, followed by pistachio-flavored, dark chocolato and bailey's...hehe and guess wat?.. my diarrhoea popped up again. yaickz. But, im feeling better now. tee-hee.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." (Mat 7:7)

Silence.

2010-04-25T05:16:00.000-07:00

Perhaps You didn't come...to my room today.
Or You were present but chose to be silent,
the entire time.
I don't know why.
For i waited to hear You speak,
but i heard none.

It was mere silence.

But daddy God, i remembered to encourage myself.. in You.
For though my eyes can't see
my heart, believes.
That daddy God, You are the God,
who made the sand a boundary for the sea,
an everlasting barrier it cannot cross.
The waves may roll, but they cannot prevail;
they may roar, but they cannot cross it. (JER 5:22)

n yet, daddy God,
You..You..You
chose to be my biggest Lover.
So i say, i will find You tomorrow,
hear You speak, again.
Definitely.

Daddy God is my almond tree....

2010-04-22T19:47:00.000-07:00

Because He watches over me. unceasingly.

Just found out that almond tree is the first tree that blossomed every year (it wakes up early) and as the Bible stated, in Hebrew, the literal meaning of 'wake' is actually to 'watch'.

Hmmm, the Bible never failed to astonish me with its profoundness.

ok ..gotta continue revision for my paper tomolo..so itchy-hand, can't sit still and study. haiz!! shall resume now, seriously! :p

Let's talk about....

2010-04-18T01:17:00.000-07:00

COMMITMENT.

It is funny how the world and its inhabitant pursue advancement and growth in whatever aspects they could get their hands on: economy, technology, entertaintment, fashion, education, and yadayadayada..

They wake up every morning, had breakfast, off to work, met clients and settled a project, made profit, advanced the company and then the new cycle began. Or the entertaintment industry that unceasingly injected unconventional music & groove that spun entire globe to validate again and again that 'life without music is empty'. But it is funny that despite our outward advancement, we are drifting behind, digressing inwardly in such a fundamental value that perhaps only most 'old-fashioned' people understood of its intricateness and stayed within the line. Perhaps you are wondering the reason of me writing this.

I had a supper the other day at a restaurant named 'CC' (of coz its not the real name...to protect its identity) with a bunch of frens. Prior to entering, we saw this promotional board outside that states '50% off' on some of its food. We were excited and went in straight away, placed our order and waited for our meal. I ordered a dish (a finger food) that was initially costed like a normal meal (coz i wanted to share it with my frens instead of having a meal on my own) and i thought that since it's 50% off, its probably worth the price.

In the middle of our conversation, a waiter came to notify me that a certain ingredient was 'absent' and whether it was ok to switch to an alternative ingredient. Now let me explain, the main ingredient is the reason behind the EXPENSIVE price it charged and the alternative costed like half of it. I pouted for a while before saying 'yes, it's fine'. Of course it's fine for me!! because i didn't go there for the food, i went there to spend time with my friends. But it is NOT FINE for CC to do that. (forgive me if i start to sound like i'm contradicting myself). My friends' meals arrived in half the normal portion. Everybody was commenting that it was rather 'normal' since what can you expect from a 50% off meal. They were so forgiving.

Never mind what i feel.

I just thought i didn't agree to dine on a '50% off' meal that was attached to a '50%-off' ingredient deal. Just because there's a propensity of making a loss, doesn't give you the right to break that commitment of giving your customer a full value worth of something that now came with discounted price. Screw that marketing strategy (maybe it worked, but i don't buy that). My apology, but i don't take this thing lightly. Because if you noticed, some of the biggest collapses in human's history lay in the failure of men to remain committed to their words. You had the choice to make or not make that commitment in the first place, hadn't you?

Perhaps CC should focus on giving customers values..but it's story for another day.

and hey, anyway i've forgiven u CC...we all make mistakes..and i will still go to dine there next time :)
and maybe im not in the place to write this..but hey, we can alweiz learn from each other rite??

pink bicycle

2010-04-11T20:02:00.000-07:00

I saw a pink bicycle today
parked just outside my window
the kind that was cheaply painted
but left me captivated

It stood beneath a tall tree
that hosts green and yellow leaves
surrounded with long grasses

yet, it stood out
as though saying hi to me
from afar

i wonder
am just wondering
who the owner is
..can i borrow ur pink bike?

The word...

2010-04-07T22:54:00.000-07:00

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways," says the Lord. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts."

Isa 55:8-9

excitement..

2010-04-06T00:28:00.000-07:00

It felt like a dream..a brief moment of exhiliration; to be immersed in the world where my heart beats and my pulse races. i like it.

Man..

2010-03-29T22:03:00.000-07:00

"Man is certainly an animal that, when he lives at all, lives for ideals. Something must be found to occupy his imagination, to raise pleasure and pain into love and hatred, and change the prosaic alternative between comfort and discomfort into the tragic one between happiness and sorrow." ~~~Santayana

Girlfriends

2010-03-28T09:46:00.001-07:00

I wish we knew each other better
Spend more time quite naturally.. as friends.
Then we can talk about a lot of stuffs;
you name it: nail polish, hair mask, eyeshadow and all girlie stuffs
or talk with me about arts and the beauty of writings
that of Jane austen and Emily bronte or even Kiran Desai
or ponder upon Socrates' and Plato's debates
to increase our wisdom.. to match any professors, rofl
or whisk me in seasons of Heroes
and bask in Dr. House's sarcasm overnight
or if you like let's cook pasta together
and seriously i can sauteed a salmon to perfection
near perfection... actually
and you can even share your obsession
on tango or contemporary dance
and i'll accompany you to strum that guitar
when you have a song u are dying to sing
and i'll teman u to charles & keith too
to relinquish the urge to get that pumps
and we can exchange the shawls on different day
so we can mix and match the colors
and yes, count me in as ur swimming buddy
or if u insist, we can do yoga together one day.
You can even introduce your other frens to me
those that are different in color or culture
i promise i'll be nice to them.
coz i do cherish our relationships
our frenships.
i really do,
perhaps i didn't talk as much
just wish i knew u better
and u knew me the same.

My interpretation of a story...(version 1)

2010-03-28T01:15:00.000-07:00

“You can do it, Tim.” He whispered.

Half crawling, panting, he then opted to lie still on the grass-covered pavement and stared almost mechanically at the night sky; sprinkled with white stars. Countless stars. Like his deeds, which was not quite as white.

2 years ago

Tim was sprawled on his king-sized bed, legs spread wide and arms folded behind his head as he looked at nothing and smiled. He was reminiscing, proud of his afternoon accomplishment that sealed him a deal with one of the brightest and most notorious business-men in town. A great deal it was. It took him months and finally, his dad agreed to give him part of his share and within seconds, Tim was a rich man, with fortune of his own, his very own.

“I’ve got a plan. Just give me the money, dad.” Tim said.

“Shut up, Tim. This isn’t charity. You want the money, you gotta earn it!” Danny, the brother, said. “Besides, don’t joke us around with your ‘plan’. Your word is as good as your history. We know you never cared for the family fortune.”

Their father said nothing.

“Remember mom, dad. You promised, you promised her.” Tim added, and in the next second he knew he just uttered the golden word. The sudden tears confirmed it and old Mr. Cunningham took and signed the paper almost immediately.

“Don’t come back, son. You go your way. You’ve made your choice.”

Tim wouldn’t slow down now that the first plan was ticked. He had informed Sarah who agreed instantly to his proposal of going away to another town with him. We’ll have fun, he promised.

He hadn’t eaten for days and was thankful for a bottle of water given by an old beggar that passed him by. He insisted to walk alone along the long silent road refusing further assistance offered. Now, lying on his back, he started counting the stars when he heard his stomach growled, again.

A year ago

Sarah didn’t answer his phone. She had left a month ago with no news; except for the amounting credit card bills left on their dusty dining table. The last time he saw her was the night he returned home and told her he lost at the casino. A hundred grand. But he’ll gain it back he promised. She believed in him, she said.

He pushed himself up, took a few steps before he toppled down. He crawled slowly, the hard cement brushing abrasively on his dirty palms. He could hear only the sound of his breath and the night wind in the silence. His bare feet were cold and his hands rubbed them aggressively to generate some heat, reminding him of the leather shoes he sold for a meal few days ago. It was a cold night.

6 months ago.

“I’m sorry Mr. Tim. But you have to evacuate the place soon. We have given you three months grace and you still could not pay the rent. We have a new tenant now.” The message on the notice letter was printed in bold.

Tim had no more money in his account and all he had was thinning cash in his pocket. Luck was not in his side, he grumbled. The past visits to casino were unfruitful and he always left poorer than when he came. But he’ll visit again the next day. He wanted to borrow some money, but he had no friends. No more friends.

He could sense water running down his nostrils and slowly wiped it with his thin shirt. His eyes were watery and slowly, he sobbed. Even then, he could smell the stench of his body, filthy and unshaven. He pushed himself again, driven by the thread-like hope of at least knowing where to go now.

1 month ago.

“Take it Tim. Don’t come back. The boss would kick you.” Andy, his colleague in McDonald, said. “Just take this few bucks and leave.”

Tim thought to himself, “I’ve got nowhere to go now...could I …. dad could as well hire me as his driver or servant and I’ll still be better off than this ….”

Mr. Cunningham was seated in his study room with a cup of coffee and a piece of apple custard, a routine he had for more than 40 years. He was reading that a new stock acquisition was done by a rival company when a knock on his study room was heard. Nobody knocked his study room in the morning.

“What is it?” He asked.

Mr. Peroni strode in with a nervous smile. “I brought you extra sugar for your coffee, sir.”

“I never need any, Mr. Peroni. And you should be fully aware of it by now.” His eyebrow was half raised.

“It’s just sir, there was a man outside the house. He… was not very conscious, sir and quite unshaven and not very clean……”

“So, shall I advise you to shower him, then?....Gimme a break Peroni. You could settle this beggar without my advice couldn’t you…give him some pennies and send him off as usual. Goodness Peroni, are you getting older now that I find you not quite as sharp?”

“It’s just ..sir. If my eyes hadn’t fail me, he looked like Tim, sir.” Mr. Peroni managed.

Mr. Cunningham stood from his seat, ran to the door and saw the man lying down on the front porch of his garden. He knew instantly that was Tim from the same mole on his forehead since he first saw him as a baby. He hugged him and kissed his son, his beloved son. Tim opened his eyes,” I’m sorry dad. I’m dirty and unworthy. I’ll work as your servant from now on.”

Mr. Cunningham instead shouted for his servants to prepare the best suit for Tim and washed him clean. He called for a feast and prepared the most expensive beef to be served for his son.

Danny then strolled in to find out of the commotion. Upset, he argued.

“He, had just squandered your fortune, dad and now, he came back with nothing and expects to get every thing again? Dad, this isn’t how the game is played. You taught me to be responsible for my life. And now, what’s this? He didn’t work a penny for you and now, you’re giving him back everything?”

“Son, you are always with me, whatever I have is yours. But your brother, he was once gone and now is back. I don’t care what he’d done, but he is still your brother…my son. ”

Yep...It's the prodigal son.

Reading..

2010-03-22T06:56:00.000-07:00

...And tonight, at least for the night, i have my green cup filled with warm chrysanthemum tea matched tenderly with slow jazzy Ituana; both teamed to merely soothe my soring throat, and they made me feel good.

First love

2010-03-15T19:26:00.001-07:00

It is like breath of fresh air wafting through the atmosphere that evokes a certain sense of excitement, of joy and assurance. From where, pieces of past miseries faded into misty air, dissolved into ethereal cloud. As though scales on my eyes dropped by themselves and then I see You once more..... and I know, I have fallen in love again.

three kidz

2010-02-24T20:55:00.000-08:00

There were 3 of them. Three little kids in tropical weather school uniform. None carried more than a backpack sized almost 3/4 of their own heights. Their skin used to be lighter in shades, determined by their race. But the sun, they befriend it. Everyday.

"RRRiiiiinngggg"

She was chubbier than her friends and had bigger eyes, short hair with fringe pinned to the side. They called her 'Dut'. It wasn't her real name but she couldn't care less.

" Dut, you didn't forget did you?" Shito asked with an obvious quiver in his voice, started to feel alarmed.

He was the skinniest among the three, the listener among the three and a thinker in the class. Shito first knew Dut when they entered the same class and happened to seat next to each other. He initially disliked her as much as he disliked cats or dogs. Dut would talk non-stoppingly to him everyday, giggled and smiled at every interval of hours. There were only two days when Shito did not hear Dut's laughter, once when Dut was absent and the other was when Dut was so nervous for the singing competition she was participating after class.

"Nope, i did not." Dut's frowned face suddenly evolved into a grinning mask as her hand climbed out from the rummaged backpack. She held a silver chain with 3 keys dangling beneath it.

"Let's go then," Shito urged followed by a loud relief and a screeching sound of 'whoaaa' and 'yyeaaahh'. He regularly begged Danny, the fastest runner to slow down as he stopped and panted for air. Danny was a new student. He looked different, dressed different despite the uniform (he always managed to add other accessories like belt or handkerchief that none of the other boys in school did) but they seemed to have known each other for centuries. They talked in the same frequency and catch the same joke that none of their classmates did.

----to be continued----

not because i can't resist but..u see..

2010-01-14T20:27:00.000-08:00

I remembered that day when i stood still in the middle alley of a food junction in a supermart one day. I was eight or younger, innocently vivacious, indulgent yet an avid self-repressionist. I was simply looking around, again in my dazzle-me-world, replaying spice girls song over 10 times in my head and rendering that i was in a movie-clip or something.

It seemed like the song was suddenly 'hijacked' and a loud drum roll took over that instant when i saw this woman standing before me. She was a young lady draped in a long loose blue dress that reached down to both of her knees and fell smoothly along the contour of her balloon-shaped tummy. But obviously that wasn't the reason of my looking at her for a few long minutes. She was indeed the most normal-looking pregnant lady i assured you. My observing her came out as a by-product of what firstly caught my attention. Her hands was slackenly holding unto the metal handle pushing a trolley fully-loaded with snacks of different flavours and brands. I repeat..snacks....snacks..a trolley full of snacks.

I was convinved that i had long known this emotion called envy when i was younger. Played with it several times, gotten hurt and sometimes i regretted for letting it consumed me. But that instant, a full manifestation of it caught me off-guard. For the first time, i sensed the definition of envy was revealed at a whole-new level to my dear soul and i realized how jealous i was for...her snacks. I understood that envy wasn't necessary when one was in the right place at the right time. Exactly. I was in a supermart where snacks were abundant in supply and all i needed to do was to scoop some of these supplies from the long-stretched snack-shelves into my precious 'trolley' . As simple as that. But, it seemed that 'right place and right time' fell short in my scenario. I didn't have the right amount of money to buy neither the right size of pocket to hide them even if i could afford them. My parents forbid junks!!!

So i went home and thought of a plan and named it the 'snack-amassing program'. The goal was to collect as many snacks as i could (like savings) and consumed them later. The deal was, i couldn't buy them with my own money. Next, I needed to find a space where i could place my collection. To my luck,I found a pink bag that i used to carry to school. It was clean and smelled nice which i have no clue why. The last time i gave up bringing it to school was because it was no longer appealing to me and it had turned blackish.(somebody must have washed them...). Anyway, I thought it was perfect as my snack-bank. I placed it inside the drawer of my study table and called it my pink-snack-bank. (pink-sb)

Then, plenty of birthday invitations came and i knew they would give snacks as souveniers. I never missed a single party that season and my collection grew rapidly. Sometimes when grandma was nice, she would buy each of us a packet. My sisters and cousins would gulped them down within minutes. While i, well, i would keep them straight into my pink-sb.

My pink-sb soon bulged and it was getting harder to zip. It contained variety of brands and flavours now. But one day, grandma found my pink-sb…and its snacks account. She was shocked at the amount of snacks i had collected. She looked and inspected them for a while before saying, “ girl, the expiry date is next week..and some..today.”

Instantly i opened five packets, munched the contents from different packets simultaneously; mixing the already saturated flavour altogether. To be honest, they tasted un-freshed and weird even as my facial expression was putting its best facade of how scrumptious those snacks still were as i handed some of them to my snickering sisters. I was remotely embarassed. Felt pretty ridiculous at how fragile and un-clever the whole program was about.

That night i made a point to never repeat this naive act in my entire life. and since then, my snacks only last one day in its shelf.

my stationery's love-hate affair

2010-01-06T06:18:00.000-08:00

My 'friends' they came from afar,
I chose them to be my very own companions.
They, I kept well that i could always reach them in times of need.
I heart them.
For their presence never failed to light up my mundane days at work.

Then, they increased in number.
Perhaps it was my fault for I desired more of them.
It got heavier then to make them stay with me all the time
and i started feeling over which was better.

Sometimes at work, they tried to outshine each other
in the urge of winning my very preference.
And then i realized i loved one more than the others.
I pride in it more than the rest.
My favourite one I held closest.

And then one day, i lost it...
I never saw it again..ever.
Did the rest conspire, i knew not.
But yes, i lost my purple pen and im still not over it...
sigh...

continuation of colorful garden

2009-12-04T22:26:00.000-08:00

For the past two hours Andrea had switched from walking to jogging and back to walking again countless times along the giant sycamores of the deciduous forest. Her scanty being, led by aimless feet, had seen no one and reached nowhere. The fatigue on the soles of her feet had started crawling up the untrained muscles of her calves. “Good sneakers can only offer this much,” she muttered, annoyed.

She allowed herself some rest upon finding a nice spot on the riverbanks overlooking a crystal-clear river stretching faithfully as far as the never-ending forest; as though they were meant for each other. The strong scent of fresh water in the massive conveyor-belt-like-river reminded Andrea of her unquenched thirst and it wasn’t long before the sparkling fluid reached her palm and moistened her tongue. She was satisfied. It tasted like nothing she had ever known. Her joints felt better and her left-over strength was rejuvenated as though she had never worn it in the beginning.

The sky had begun to darken and Andrea quickened her steps with such a determination to come across someone or at the very least stumble upon something…alive. She needed an explanation…a good explanation over her where-about or why she ended up in such a strange place. The air of uncertainty had somehow directed Andrea’s path; stomping on the endless multiple layers of crisp-dried maple-like leaves blanketing the entire ground of a seemingly untraveled path. It wasn’t long before a still shadow caught her attention and her feet managed a sudden halt.

The mansion stood proudly overlooking its meek visitor. Its red-bricks were concealed fully by grayish-silver paint to resemble the color of ordinary stones scattered randomly along the entrance of the metallic steel-gate echoing that of the gates of Holyrood Park. The mansion looked like a palace, to be anciently correct.

The visual experience had left Andrea bewildered as gentle breeze greeted her all so sudden and whisked away a handful of dried leaves covering the steel gates. Her eyes caught an inscription marked on the polished bronze-plate embedded a few inches away from the tall gates standing like a protector of the property.

It was written,‘The fear of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom.’

~to be continued~

Will you tell me?

2009-11-04T07:56:00.000-08:00

How long can one be immersed in the air of uncertainty and not suffocate
Or swim in the ocean of gigantic sharks’ territory and not be alarmed for a second
How long can a ballerina with twisted ankle pirouette and not fall
Or perhaps an egret trying to be a swan it will never be

What if the ceramic bowls could shout and scream
To tell you that they were for meal
When you put them astray and only left-over
Why would you have them in the first place?

Of bitter-gourd and shepherd pie
The journey goes with residence time
Yet there is a faith prove of more worth than gold
and i say You are my portion.

Do you believe if i tell you..i was in stress mode while taking this pic?? Lol i guess it doesn't show eh

candy bar.....

2009-10-18T01:50:00.000-07:00

I once had a candy bar and I hid it in a corner of my heart
I left it untouched and wished no one would find it
I came back to peek often times just to make sure it was still there
in one piece
And I would leave it again…to my own little world

Soon time got hold of me and I forgot about my candy bar
Whence I remembered I ran towards it and gave another glance
My heart pounded fast….
And it was still there.
I smiled gratefully.
This time, I dared myself to touch and smelled the kiwi and caramel scent.
It was still the same refreshing bar.

And then I left it again ..to my own little world.
I tried not to peek at my candy bar but it was always on my mind.
I dreamt of it night and day. I missed my candy bar.
But I know it wasn’t time.
Oh my candy bar…I hope u understand.

Then my heart whispered….my candy bar was ready.
And so was I.
I came back and took my candy bar…looked at it for a long time.
Smelled it a few times over all sides
And a smile was drawn on my face.
I opened my candy bar…..and I took a bite of it.
It tasted so delicious.
How sweet is the fruit of patience…

Here..

2009-09-19T04:43:00.000-07:00

My heart longs for distant places
Where the sun greets with warmth that of dusk
And on a boat I shall sail
With soft zephyr moving me further

Where cardigans are white and so does my life
brightly echoing the full-lit chandelier
Where melody rhymes with reality
Oh then I shall opt for my jazz

I wish now to chance upon a star
that whispers silence and hear prayers
then i'll wait for my miracle
which perhaps shall come
if my fingers i let crossed.

And then my heart begins her ponder
of why my soul u run afar?
words begin to press the button halt
and tears streaked though none expect

Mercy come and befriend me, please
Of Shiraz and Sauvignon i asked not
But like a linen that blankets me at night
bestowed comfort on the quiet old pillow

Or won't you take me then.. take me
For I can be anywhere, but here
My scrolled decision has laid for long
That lends me nothing but the current land.

Today..

2009-09-01T07:11:00.000-07:00

I wanna give all the praises to God. For He is good all the time. All the time God is good...despite my blatantly tough day today. I have a reason to praise Him..for He is good always. Full stop.

shower

2009-08-18T01:50:00.000-07:00

I like it cold at times when the water splashed down my cheek and swept the elongating bangs over my face. It was the stillness of the night or perhaps the slowly but assuredly dripping sound of the water that kept my feet from departing the very spots they were standing on. It was almost a luxury to spend a few moments by myself in front of the small polished mirror staring at the girl who subconsciously return the exact same gaze.

The chill of the night has creeped its way into the cubicle. It is in this place where all things are laid bare, stripped from all decent coverage. As water started gushing down through the shower nozzles, brushing swiflty over my spine, here at this wee hour that my mind starts to linger and flash images of what the noon day had offered; replaying back scenes of the early part of my accomplished day.

my silence

2009-07-07T07:59:00.000-07:00

Innocent children, they, i envy
face beaming and carefree glee
Afar places robbed my time
Still I trust there is a reason..

A knock on door stills the room
My legs yearn to sit still
Timid I grew though none expect
Why oh why my soul you sigh?

Dirty words incessant tempt
Mercy i pray bestowed on me
But my strength is weak and my heart faints
Could this all come to an end?

Your body is a wonderland..

2009-07-01T08:48:00.000-07:00

..as the title says.

I would like to first clarify that the tone of this post would slightly differs from my previous ones. No..No, it would not sound 'clingy' or 'sexy' in every bit, i apologize if the title happens to lure you into such thought. But i would like to warn you beforehand that this post has the capability to bore you to sleep especially when you fall under the category of human beings that lack vitamin I..'Imagination'.

As you go through this post, i would love it if you could envision me as a teacher (tall preferably) wearing a green-coloured collared shirt with a grey vest on the outside and a pencil-shaped beige skirt with a creme coloured heels, standing straight in front of a classroom, hair tied neatly in ponytail. And you happened to be one of my student sitting attentively in my class.

I start speaking:

Up to this time, the media has faithfully boasted some gawking statistics of people, young and old that committed suicide for various reasons, take drugs.. not forgetting trading them too and smoke for reason as vain as lookin 'cool'...

Nope..nope.. i am not saying they are guilty in any way neither do i accuse them of being 'stupid', 'ignorant' or 'lack of proper guidance'

All i am interested in is to carry out my solemn duty as your teacher and take you on a 'tour' as to what is in your body. o i forgot to inform you, I am your Biology teacher and erm so, please stay awake..

You probably asked how in anyway does Biology related to those previously mentioned statistics of suicide cases, drugs or smoking. I am afraid i can't answer you first or else I get bored very easily in my explanation and as a teacher who is paid meagerly teaching in this school, i am not at all so anxious in answering all of your questions. I am just here to carry out my duty and please stay awake that if the headmaster passes by, your 'attentiveness' will impress him and this is certainly crucial for my bonus this month.

Anyway, i would like to start from the most cliche word used in this 'CSI' generation..DNA to be exact. The structure of DNA is like spaghetti wrapped in meatballs. Literally. You can google for the pics as homework. But this is not the most boring fact about it, the 2 metre length of sphaghetti strand is actually rolled up to fill a 5 micrometer diameter of a nucleus (a hole smaller ..i mean smaller to the power of 3 than the tip of your hair). So, it's like having a strand of thin rope as tall as Yao Ming and rolling it up to be as big as your mole..i mean..as small as ..its even invisible to your eyes. So, when you grow up and are interested to open a packaging company, please consult your DNA. Nothing in the world beats its compression ..or if you are a frequent traveller and have trouble in packing your luggage, you can learn something from here..hopefully. I mean it is not extraordinary at all but you can still consider it.

Next, I shall move on to the more advance stage of this module meaning from first chapter, I shall now slide my way to the 5th chapter. For your info, chapters in between are to be studied on your own. My apology but I just can’t stand talking about things which are too basic, it literally bored me to…life.

Do you have any idea how different are human beings(like you and I), from monkeys? Well, im sure most of you would try to stifle your laughter upon hearing this question and I’m pretty sure that all of you would have known the answer. Yes, indeed we are 90% similar…..(roughly).
But perhaps you do not know that actually, we have very very very similar DNA with them. And cross your finger and thank God, if you believe in one, or if not, count it on your pure luck, that by chance, you are not one of them. Because the only minute difference is the kind of protein generated in them and in us ..phew huh…

*******Rrrrrr-----iinnnggggggggggg******

Ok class, we shall continue tomorrow…please read up, or well, up to you. After all, you are not monkey right.

...the colorful garden...

2009-06-14T22:31:00.000-07:00

Colorful garden

It was already dawn when Andrea woke up from her deep slumber, or so it seemed.

Her top was slightly wet from the sweat on her back. She could feel her moist palms grabbing the dried leaves involuntarily and her head was spinning like that of merry-go-round. Before she knew it, she hit the ground. Again.

The green-yellowish leaves which was scattered like a carpet on the uneven soil, cushioned her head from the impending concussion. It took her several minutes to manage her balance and sit straight up. She pulled herself to the nearest tree, balanced her weight on the branch and positioned herself comfortably leaning against the old tree that has been standing there for decades, at least, she thought. Slowly, Andrea tilted her head up. For a few seconds, she couldn’t breathe.

The images captured by her two hazelnut eyes pin-pointed her brain to exhilaration. The sky was toned in gradation of sun-kissed orange, gold and that of dark blue colour resembling the ocean. There was no star shimmering above. It was just the solid opaque color accompanied by the perfect stillness of the morning. Andrea felt her heart racing of this sudden strangeness. Yet, the calmness of the morning seems to be awakened by the chirp of little birds and it slowly infused an element of peace into her heart.

"Where am I?" she asked rhetorically. "Ok, ..calm down Andrea..calm down..you must be dreaming..ok where is this..place?"

I tell tale

2009-05-20T03:15:00.000-07:00

A walk i had right at the centre
With two symmetries of orchid and lullaby
Down the alley of orange and red
My heart sings i am blessed

The rain dropped impatiently
As the birds chirped and butterfly flew
I ponder in secret, but will you listen
Why on earth art Thou so mysterious?

Night turned and shift day goodbye
Lovely dance and chit-a-chat came to halt
when silence creeped and lone emerged
Can I call on You for rescue?

A memoir...

2008-09-29T05:48:00.000-07:00

The sunday afternoon mood has never changed in Sheares Hall. It has always been gloomy and quiet (**which is a good thing**) all day long. But today, it's not just gloomy and quiet, it's stuffy....stuffy here in my heart.

My exams are coming so soon and my heart skipped a bit everytime i reminisce about them. This whole Singapore-education system has finally gotten to my nerve and i just felt like screamingggggg out loud.. gosh..if ever i have a choice, i would runnnn away and dig my head into the soil like an ostrich and never want to mug anymore.

I was looking at the definition of a workaholic = the state where one feels guilty about enjoying oneself for a while rather than doing work, and concludes i am already in that category.

But, that afternoon, my eyes were caught to take a closer look at my pinky lil ipod shuffle, there was an inscription read 'petite ipik on getting into NUS', which then led me to clumsily look for the golden envelope which had been hiding in my drawer for a year; a letter from my sis.

The sillyness of her wordings simply brought me to laugh out so loud..and it made it harder to start reading the inner pages. All the kind words sounded so audio-like as though she was just there talking to me, then i realized how much ive missed her... (she is currently enjoying the time of her life in US by the way)

It was in that letter that i met the One who prompted her to write it in the first place... n i started to weep. (ooo..how emotional this ipik is..)
Never give up!!! is the message, and currently battling with some inner issues in my life, He is encouraging me to focus on WHO i am becoming rather than what i am becoming...

I guess, the sunday afternoon was pretty different.

Forever 21...

2008-07-18T09:30:00.000-07:00

I am not going to give any mysterious intro here.....let's hit the point...today is my birthday and i'm turning 21...

The purpose of the blog is simply to capture those crucial 24 hours of my first day stepping into the realm of a young adult.

The night started at 10 am 17 july 2008, Sheares Hall, when my IC costume rushed us out of the seminar room promising that she would treat us to Fong Seng (an eating place..). Her jittery actions seemed to give lemon (another bday gal) and i a hint that she was up to something.. , Poh ling was accidentally standing in front of the lift trying to tell the IC that we were not supposed to come back so early and yet, we have already arrived...***no turning back now in their plan..

The electric contact from their eyes as they met each others' was caught by me and i quickly concluded that they have something in store...(oohh.. my cute lil' hallmates)..i acted obediently (meaning keep quiet buat tak tau)..not wanting to destroy the plan they had built together..

As we waited in lemon's room, a knock was heard which to my real surprise, Elin showed up...ohh..she looked so lovely after the hols...and even lovelier is the *Birthday Cake* she was holding..(too bad i don have camera to show the pic)

with fruits topping and strawberry cream covering.. simply yummy!!! not forgetting the pizzas they served...which was enuf to make us sit inside a tiny room with 3 people on the bed, one on a chair, another on a small box, and lastly on the floor for the next two hours trying to dig stories and more stories. (For privacy purpose, those are not going to be discussed in this blog..if i am kind enuf, perhaps in my later stories)

The night went on with my sis calling me to wish happy bday and my frens singing me the infamous happy bday song..(phew...it lasted less than 10 seconds j/k)....oh yeahhhh POh Ling got me a present... it was Pantene hair moisturizer..she is soooo sweet haha actually it was for coloured hair but since she is so genuine, i will spray it on my naturally black hair...

It was around 1 + when elin wanted to go back and there was the kind yee mun who wanted to walk her back ALONE..reasoning that she will jog after that (**me frowning**). Mind u people, it was 1++ in the morning...

So, i was about to send them off just until level 1, little did i know, i let myself be persuaded by the soon-to-be lawyer a.k.a yee mun to accompany both of them...

I enjoyed the night walk..correction..the early morning walk with her..haha..she is one funny girl....

***to be continued

Today is 18 July 2008, and the sun seemed to shine brighter than ever. I remembered reading an article from Time magazine just a few days ago about a man who celebrates the same birthday as I do,he is.. Nelson Mandela. (wow..this gal is trying to boast something here haha..)

The day was monotonous until late in the evening when my frens and i were to celebrate the same July babies birthdays..there were 5 of us.

As we reached suntec city, we were blindfolded and made our grandest ever parade in the mall, being led to some place where the real game shall begun. The journey was terribly long... it was long enough to make me think and realize something.

During the walk with my eyes blindfolded, i was literally scared that i was going to bump into just anything. I could not see a thing and in my mind, i pictured there were chairs, poles, woods and hard objects ready to hit me. Ci Ninin was beside me to lead and all the while she kept on saying there was nothing and keep walking. At times when there was barrier, she would remind me, when we were to take the escalators, she would stop me and guide me, when we were about to cross a small water fountain, she and other non-blindfolded frens were there to hold my hands and instructed me. Until we arrived at the right destination that our blindfolds were taken off.

It kinda made me think about my walk with God. Times and times, I couldn't see whats ahead of me, and i spent my time worrying, thinking about the scarry future if i happened to stumble at something, fearful of what life has to offer. Forgetting that He who walks beside me, sees everything and better, he controls everything. Even the Bible says, that all things shall turn out good for those who love Him. My next few walks were less scarry as i pondered upon it. My squeezing ci Ninin's hand got more relaxed.

Anyways, we were made to pick out 10 m&ms from a plate covered with flour using only our faces. Eugghh...snowman look in summer!!!

next task, is to drink a potion by miss Pris...the ingredients are (**drumroll please): herbal medicine + chilli + lemongrass+ lime juice= disgusting smell and taste.

Last task: we were to go to a place which was lit up by candles marking our initials and there were as many as 20 candles, in which we have to blow with each wish for each candle blown.....woooooowww... this is the year when i can make more than one wish during my bday... so grateful.

Lastly, the presentsssssssss....hmmm should have taken pic with it..i have a top, a belt, a choc bar and a jar filled with bday messages from my frenssssssssss........man..i so can feel the love...love..love.. and lastly, yen bin got me a gift too...didnt expect it yet, (he forgot to take off the priceeeeee!!!!) Haizzz...understood old man!! Still grateful though....

Pluss..plus.. Clara got me a book!!!!!!!! hahahah.... clever gal..it is a book by Joyce Meyer.. hmm a hint here for all readers out there..book is my favvvvvv.. present...u can get me a book and ill remember u for the rest of my life...hahahhahah..

Thanksss everyone who makes my bday sooooooooo specialll really....

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT TO DEAR GOD, MOM&DAD, ALL SIBLINGS, ALL FRENZ.

It is indeed a memorable one for me..making me to think perhaps the owner of forever 21 had a memorable birthday like mine....awesome!! (i should be a more loyal customer of forever 21 **bargain corner**)

U

2008-07-05T10:00:00.000-07:00

I wanna tail U
even 5 min of not seeing u close
i run to U..be it
kitchen, front stage or toilet

U have taught me
and get me addicted..
i am amazed...simply amazed
by your nature, my words fall short

but to whom shall I go,
U planned and I worry
i let go and rest...
is what U take pride in

I just want U..
one day is enough
for U are more precious..
beloved

U promised to change my heart
time passes and i shall claim
it's to Ur desire
to see it that way
for I am always in Ur heart

Him...

2008-07-05T09:41:00.000-07:00

People used to say, the more often you encountered something or the more experience you have regarding things in life, the more you will get used to it.

I say, that only happens to certain things..not all.

My experiences of travelling away from home since i was 12 do not seem to give me extra advantage over those who started later in life. The same sickening feeling of travelling alone and confusing inner voices have never failed to follow faithfully. This is the time when walls are drawn up, shields are lifted, eyes are on guard and sigh is heard. It's gonna be ok...is the most well-practised verse over the entire period before the mood subdued.

Just when i thought i was all alone in spite of the multitudes, He is near. He just have His way. I don't know...but He knows and that is enough for me. No..no..the above paragraphs are mere example, He always pops up into my life. I say pops up not because of His nature to do so, but i have not been noticing Him closely. He is always there.......

God, when u read this from heaven, i want you to know that this is my first time writing out the secret we have. I have never done this before and do not know whether i will be doing it again...perhaps more privately.

But God i just wanna tell you, make me more sensitive every time You come by.

hugs and love,
your daughter (**chuckle**)

two worlds

2008-06-29T05:10:00.000-07:00

While the hen lay eggs and wander around,
the chick is craving for worms,
when the sun shines and the cock cookoo,
it is heaviness and bones coming into sensation

When the afternoon strikes twelve,
the mind still obeys; how lovely,
soon the called evening arrives and
there wandering it goes..

though night strikes,
and the lips desired to scream,
yet, there it abstains
for just another day.

step into His boat...

2008-04-04T20:47:00.000-07:00

Coming back from cell group didn't always give you the roller-coaster-on-top-of-the-world feeling. Those lonely strolls at night from bus-stop towards my room can surely confirm this. Most of the time, I caught myself ....thinking...... thinking hard. It is indeed one of my fav. way of killing time.

Often I wonder whether things are really in order. For one thing, most of the time, i heard some points from a sermon which will only lead me to using them as reasons and valid premises for arguments ready to question my leader on things she preached especially upon dealing with issues in my life. Of coz i never did. Simply because most of the time, it is easier to just be quiet and wait...and simply forget. But then again, the cycle repeats itself.

That night, my leader shared about God's presence. It was indeed not a new topic to me. After all as Christians we all desire His presence in our lives.

Frankly speaking, I couldn't remember much of what happened during the meeting. All i could recall was that as I crept to my bed that night, I asked one thing from God and that is for Him to enlarge my capacity...my territory. This isn't the first time I asked, mind you. But then, there's a reason behind me asking Him that night. He got me thinking about serving in His house.

I was pondering about next semester of where to stay and if I dont have the chance to stay in Hall, i gotta stay outside. That means i have to spend more money every month. I realized though, despite all this, I dont have to struggle time-wise; meaning i dont have to commit to CCA. Call me crazy or i-will-never-understand-you-kind of person, but in spite of all the hustle brought by CCA, i actually find it kinda a waste not to be able to participate. To me (though nobody acknowledges) is a training ground for future endeavour. I am not a typical Singaporean who can do multiple things at one time and giving 100% of efforts at the same time. I have never in life is faced with demand of doing more than perhaps 2 things in life: study and church ok..let's make it three: shopping. Hence, when this season of life comes, i am overwhelmed.

My commitment to church, it appears to drop. I have no clue of whatsoever a standard... but that night...

***oh no...i wrote it like few months back and now have completely no clue on what's that very important thing that happened..man...shud have finished it ...lemme post this as a reminder next time tat i should never procrastinate!! Gosh!**

Tid-bits!!

2007-10-02T20:57:00.000-07:00

For the first time in my life, maths lectures seem to be conferences in alien language. Barely able to grasp the explanation or even stay awake during those sessions left me questioning myself for being so alert the moment they ended.

People are different.While I could barely understand, People of Republic China (PRC)'s students were indulging themselves in the vast knowledge they had just swallowed. Even a student with MP3 plugged onto his ears could explain to you what the lecturer was mumbling about when you caught yourself squinting so hard during the explanation and cant understand. Their existencies in our engineering world of NUS simply makes it the most challenging faculties in Singapore. .. and bla bla bla..

For your very info sake i wrote the two paragraphs a month before and now, feeling obligated to update my blog lest the title of blogger be stripped from me, I will jump into the present circumstance of my very life..

Reading week has started and so does mugging!! Kissing the busy hall activities goodbye and saying hello to the inches-thick books crowding the study table are the 'in-thing' now..
In just a few days' time the whole NUS will face the bi-annual final papers and yes..yes.. there will be more studying to do.. arghhh...

Anyways, today I met up with my cell group leader for lunch (she travelled all the way to NUS just to have lunch with me) *sigh* never really like it when people have to trouble themselves just to help me out or do something for me .. The lunch was terrific *correction* the moment spent was terrific...Being an ex-NUS-ite, she flashed back her past occurences and great memories that this place once offered. There are so much things mentioned that kept me thinking even up to now...(power man!!!)..I really look up to her..

I honestly feel that singaporeans in general are very capable people.. they seem to have time to do everything, sports (oh yeah these people play hard), study (like you don't know), shop-till-u-drop phenomenon and even other stuffs like shouting for dinner at 6 pm with a loudness of 10x my lecturer's (B -block.. dinner.. now..), doing nonsense thing (sorry if u feel offended) like night-cycling (they hunt for food from 10 pm to 6 am haha... and rode tandem bike).. I mean these people blew away my once biased perspective that singaporeans are just studious people who don't know how to enjoy life... how wrong i was...

Did i mention how loved i felt that there are so many FREE exam welfare packs distributed in campus?? This is to enourage all students during their 'mugging' time... so sweetttt thanks to all sponsors like Shell and others (only remember shell coz it is the faithful sponsor to engin fac hahaha)

my days..my say!!!

2007-09-24T20:40:00.000-07:00

*Clara here you go* make sure you read this 哈哈哈。。

ehmm.. for your info sake..I didnt get the module I bidded for (flashing prev.blog scene) which left me with short of 4 MCs this sem...

I am grateful!!!! guess wat.. Though I am doing five modules, I feel like I hardly have time just to breathe.. even during the recess week mind you...(guess the word *recess* here is overrated!!)

Singapore....

2007-08-06T00:18:00.000-07:00

It's been more than a week since I arrived in this petite island, and there are so much to say than just the scorching sunshine or bikini babes at Sentosa beach.

My arrival in Singapore has been pretty lonely, due to the very..very..last minute 'surprise' by fever and strength-zapped phenomena attacking both my mom and oldest sista. They are supposed to accompany me. The hours spent on discussing and planning of what to grab or buy upon arrival did not seem to shield the sickness from or drive away the fever. Any way, despite all the scene, I (the one supposed to get nervous or chaotic) remained pretty calm.

"...For my ways are not your ways. And My thoughts are higher than your thoughts.."

I believed God is in control. If He allowed this little 'surprise' to show up its because He knows what He is doing or at least to grab me back if I happened to slip due to this. I asked for words upon my departure and I got..

"...I am sending my angels before you...." (I apologize for the incompletion..my Bible is not around and I didn't memorize it very well..anyway it's in Exodus..)

One characteristic of God is..sometimes He likes to give little surprise and though it might be insignificant in normal people's eyes, what I experienced made me just want to give Him a big applause and a pinch on His cheek for being sooooooo cute)

True enough, the first person picking me up is called angel-ina..(there wasn't any pre-arrengement before my departure and she came and picked me up purely on instantaneous basis otherwise I wouldn't meet her)

Upon looking back, I saw His plan worked much better (duh...!!). It didn't take me long before realizing how much we would have to spend if we were to follow our own plans.....

Oh yeah, and despite all the stressful requirements of being NUS student that you gotta fight for your modules (we get to bid and bid and bid.....otherwise you can't take it) I am simply in awe for such a great arrangement He made that I get to stay in the best Hall ever... Sheares hall..a place where every shearite is known to be so SHUAI...(ehrm..good looking)

Hmm.. I just found out I didn't get the module I bidded for (heart beating faster..n I could feel blood gushing to my head offering more oxygen in the sudden hotter temp) never mind... there's another round...(God help me please...)

hmm.. if you don't see me blogging in the next few weeks...just consider myself busy ...

to be continued....

07.07.07

2007-07-11T05:44:00.000-07:00

...and so that started the whole conversation.

We were all on our way home the other day when I blurted out a supposedly-joking-statement from my aunt that her daughter should get married in o8.o8.o8.

EIGHT is not only recognized as a good day among Christians but also among Chinese who really like to call it 'fhat-fhat-fhat' meaning triple prosperities..whoa..I said that all restaurants should auction their places on that day.

Indonesians do wed early in life. The ideal age is 25. All Indonesians mother who happened to own daughters, would love to make some plans. My mom started some suggestion.

1st sister's (planned) wedding date : 10.10.10
2nd sister's (planned) wedding date : 11.11.11
my (planned) wedding date : 12.12.12

.....whoaaaaaaaa!!!!! Just abandoned the teenage world and moving on to the next phase of life called 'woman-hood' is pretty staggering aldy not to mention it is scary.

Nevertheless, at least for now i have something else to worry about other than this hahhha..

A meditation....

2007-06-07T21:25:00.000-07:00

I really like this one...

"Now Lord, you've known me a long time. You know me better than I know myself. You know that each day I am growing older and someday may even be very old, so meanwhile please keep me from the habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion.

Release me from trying to straighten out everyone's affairs. Make me thoughtful, but not moody, helpful but not overbearing. I've a certain amount of knowledge to share, still it would be very nice to have a few friends who, at the end, recognized and forgave the knowledge I lacked.

Please give me the ability to see good in unlikely places and talents in unexpected people. And give me the grace to tell them so, dear Lord."

Hellen Keller once said,“So much has been given me, I have no time to ponder over that which has been denied.” That is powerful.

Don't let time snatch your life...

2007-06-06T02:47:00.000-07:00

Picked up by dad after an interesting chinese tuition, we stopped by at my grandma's house.
The front yard had looked exactly the same since I first saw them 18 years ago. Only, it looked more polished through the annual pre-chinese new year's 'painting and cleaning' session.

At the front door, my eyes could catch a massive figure of an old lady sitting down from her dining room and stared straight at my face. No smile. My heart pounded pretty fast. Would this be another 'explosion' moment which has come and gone since the day she fainted and diagnosed with stroke at the hospital? She used to move a lot; a typical home-maker that always find ways to busy herself with. Nobody could understand how she must be feeling now, trapped in her aging body unable to move frequently and she is visibly gaining more flesh.

Entering the room with a child-like smile, I managed to sense an absence of discouraged soul. My gazed were soon set on some round, golden-coloured 'wedding-cake' placed on the oven-tray. Covered with plenty of cooking-oil traces, I pointed one with a different shape than the rests and commented ignorantly,

"This looks like a breast... hmm.. look like Ahu's breast"

Wise enough to sense any taboo-jokes invite their best laughter, I called out one and they responded as expected. An uproar of laughter was heard which lasted for quite a satisfying time.
The face changed. There's a radiant smile on her face now as she looked at me flashing all her fake teeth.

A quick thirty-minutes passed before I heard dad's urging voice to go home. My feet reluctantly obeyed the call as I stood up from the chair next to grandma's. She quickly grabbed a small plastic bag and snatched some cakes into it and passed to me as it was her custom of doing so to every visiting grandchildren. Planting a quick kiss on her cheek, I bid her goodbye. At that instant, she grabbed my tiny wrist and voiced out something that sounded like a slur yet, I could catch it when she said, "Please come again tomorrow."

I said it quick,"yes."

I remembered of an article saying 'when you spend time with someone or something, you are actually giving part of your life.'

Sometimes, in this 'mind your own business' culture, we're too busy doing our own stuffs, forgetting about the people around who simply need a bit of our time ( our life). I always think I have so little time to spare. Yet, by saying "I have no time for this person or this..or this..," is actually causing our lives which is our time to be lesser...Lesser for ourselves and for others.

I believe the covenant I once proclaimed need to be rooted deep down in my heart forever. 'Value people over possession or prioritize human relationships compared to non-living things'

In the end, when we leave this world, God will judge one person according to what he has done to other human beings instead of evaluating his contributions to non-living things. After all, God is concerned with how one would do if He keeps him in His Place.

2007-05-29T21:21:00.001-07:00

........After dinner's scenario..........

Parents : " Remember, go and help out at this xxxxx place"

Kids : " Uhmm..." (all looked down ..a sense of disliking)

Parents : "OK, the third sister, pls take care of your brother ask him to study!!!"

Third sister : "Uhmmm... buai albeiz me?? " (murmuring)

Parents : " Bye"

Then, kids remembered 2 Corinthians 10:5 (NKJV) :

“Casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ…”

** after parents left home for work, kids started to change dress and get ready for work **

....At the resto's scenario.....

** Sound of heels and guests strolling in...**

Kids : "Hi, evening!!" (smiley face is paused until all guests passed by)

**paying time is when the battle really begins**

Guests : " Yeah How much?? My table is xx."
(After staring at the receipt)
"Eit.. I am your usual customer, can you just cancel the govt. tax? I am very well acquainted with your boss...!!

Kids : " Sorry mam, we can't do it." (still smiling)

Guests : " what?? why do you charge me so expensive then? Just call the boss.. I want to talk to him.."

Kids : " I'm very sorry but he is not available at the moment. He had gone out."

Guests : " Yeah.. try calling his phone and ask.."

Kids : "Hmm.. let me see" (went and discuss with the manager...)
" ok..mam, are you paying cash or credit card?"

Guests: "Credit card!!"

Kids : "Alright.. mam, here is the price you need to pay." (another smile flashed)

Guests : "wat? The discount is so little?? why can't you give me more?"
(kids starting to sense a higher temperature in the blood...but remain cool because of *unwritten law of the resto : guests are kings*)

Kids : " If you're paying with credit card, we'll have to give you less discount but with cash, we'll give u more."

Guests : "Ok, how much will it cost with cash?? what? still that expensive? Then, I'll just pay by credit card... urghhh."
Kids : "ok, thanks.."

**time for guests to leave **

Kids : " Thank you mam." (still smiling professionally)

Guests : " Yes, thank you." (satisfied of the discounted price they get..knowing they're acting will get them only that far)

**Story ends**

God Wants Your Heart

2007-05-24T22:01:00.000-07:00

This devotional was written by Mike DeVries The LORD says, “These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is based on mere human rules they have been taught.”—Isaiah 29:13

Steve Chalke, in his book The Lost Message of Jesus, shares this story:

An old Jewish joke tells the story of Judgment Day at the end of history. God summons all the people who have ever lived. "Here's what we're going to do," He explains. "Gabriel will read out the Ten Commandments, one by one. As he does, those who have broken them will have to depart into everlasting darkness." Commandment number one is read out and a number of people are led off. The same thing happens with each of the commandments until, having read eight of the ten, only a small crowd remains. God looks up to see this handful of stern, smug, grim-faced, self-righteous, joyless miseries staring back at Him. He pauses and contemplates the prospect of spending eternity with this lot. "All right!" He shouts, "Everyone come back; I've changed my mind."¹

I remember growing up in a church not too far from my house. Even though we went to church “religiously” (funny how we use that word, is it not?), I can still remember hating church. It was boring, and long – filled with people whom I didn’t know and who looked, well... so serious.

One day, a well-meaning lady in our church came to me and said, “Son, do you like church?” Exactly how I was going to answer that I did not quite know yet. She continued, unaffected by my silence, “I sure hope so, because this is what heaven is going to be like – church, eternally.”

I’m guessing I had a pretty typical reaction to this for a nine-year-old boy, thinking, “If heaven is like an eternal church service, do I really want to go there?”

Now that I’m older, I’ve been doing some thinking lately. Is it possible to do the very things that please God, yet be so far from the spirit of it, that we miss the point completely?

The more and more I read the Scriptures lately, I keep finding these places where God appears to be saying, “I know you think you’re doing the right things, even things I’ve told you to do, but... you’re missing the point altogether.” It’s as if we are doing the right “things,” but our hearts, the very things God actually wants, are essentially somewhere else.

Time and again, God says, “I don’t want your sacrifices. I don’t want your religious festivals. In fact, I’m beginning to hate them. What I want is your heart.” In other words, I don’t want your “religion” -- your going through the motions to please me – I want your heart passionately longing for me, says God.

It’s as if He is saying, “If your heart is not in it, I don’t want it.”

Your heart is what God is looking for, not your religion. Today, as you go about your day, consider this question: Does God have my heart, or just my “religiously-driven” obedience? Perhaps you need to stop doing some things in order to make sure you are doing the right things.

my moods are determined by what captures my focus

The Life of Restaurateur's kids!!!

2007-05-24T20:38:00.000-07:00

WAKE UP (got school) -------- 6 a.m
(no school) -------- 9-10 a.m

*** any addition of time will invite nagging and wailing that sounds like nightmare followed by a sudden change in room temperature to snatch away your cool wonderland and fall into a cubicle of sauna's heat.

BREAKFAST (Happy day) ------ fascinating and plenty of varieties
(no happy day) ----- serve youself bread or egg

LUNCH (Hungry too fast) ----- eat by yourself
(Hungry at the right time) ----- compete for the servings
*unwritten rule : must remember others*
(Hungry too late) ----- eat the left-over portion

Dinner (no matter what day) ----- always special
----- always delicious

For Mothers all around the world, big hug from me to you!!!

2007-05-13T05:57:00.000-07:00

I found this really touching...

Before I was a Mom
This devotional was written by Leslie Snyder

I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.—1 Samuel 1: 27-28

I came across this poem recently and thought it appropriate to share as we celebrate the remarkable women in our lives this Mother’s Day.

Before I was a Mom?
I slept as late as I wanted and never worried about how late I got into bed.
I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was a Mom
I cleaned my house each day.
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on. Spit on.
Chewed on.
Pottied on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom
I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests. Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.

Before I was a Mom
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much love or so much pain before I was a Mom.

I never knew I would love being a Mom. — Author unknown.

STARTING...!!

2007-05-10T00:20:00.000-07:00

Finally, after all the laziness kicked, procrastination overcame and motivation mustered... I am now officially announcing the start of my blog-life journey.

*peasant-dancing*

Actually I started it a year ago due to the invitation which led to invitation(s) from a friend who was so anxious for me to belong to the blogger community in our class. Since it is our Asian culture to practise 'bei-min' (beri muka) tradition, I obediently joined and later flunked it unintentionally..I mean due to my laziness. That's the outcome of doing something which does not come from your heart, I believe.
Anyway, this desire of blogging *all of a sudden* does not come down from the sky or was birthed within me as illustrated from numerous Disney movies..with a sound of gling..gling..gling..
In fact, it comes from within the walls of my house..(I mean my dad's house..) and if you fast forward from the main gate and quickly climb up the stairs and yeah.. climb up the stairs again.. and push the door open after reaching the third floor..you found it.

*shocked facial look*

Her long- sooo straight hair caught ur attention as she remained immobile..with a few seconds passed, she'd turn her head over without speaking a word. You'd be trapped in a scenario of catching her stare when you wished you had not looked at her and now, that dreadful feeling became even more unbearable as she raised her left eye-brow...in an instant, u were prompted to state your defenses of why you are where you are.. as if that matters to her..

aha.. she's my elder sister right..right.. she is just one step above me..Lizzie McJie..

Here's why; having a passion for blogging, she is responsible enuf to alweiz keep it continuous as a movie director is responsible to make unending supply of movies to be broadcasted on t.v and see, what's the use of those movies if indeed nobody watch 'em?? So, the mysterious Ms. McJie (or watever name she has acquired..perhaps Domino'sJie) is now aiming to broadcast her blog towards the viewers and if t.v provides an expensive advertisement, she managed to pull it off using very simple technique eh.. approaching her target and giving out that one-million dollar question, "Have u read my latest blog?" accompanied with a grin from a tomato-blushed face with a flash of teeth like the enemy of batman in'batman forever' dressed with plenty of green question marks..

That triggers me to start reading hers and hence, a change of heart towards blogging (oops.. a change of heart sounds too similar to the gling..gling..gling of Disney movies) happened.
hmm..anyway perhaps blogging is one of the ways for me to practise English even after staying for wat-feels-like-centuries in Indo.. To keep up, I simply subscribe some English magazines and basing my thoughts upon the principle of human metabolism in taking in food and having to excrete as well, I believe reading alone is a one-way procedure and hence, writing out in English should equal the excrete process lest one will explode...

Should stop now..